Postpartum Depression

The first topic I wanted to learn more about was postpartum depression. I thought to start I'd tell my story of having my first child and then include some of the things I searched from the Internet.

Becoming a mother didn't exactly start out smoothly for me. I was blessed to get pregnant quickly and carry the baby without any problems. My mom and sister never had problems with nausea so I unrealistically expected to have the same experience. Instead, I threw up for five and a half months and then for the rest of the pregnancy just felt nauseated. I hated being pregnant. When the baby came I thought all my troubles were solved! Two weeks after Will was born he started crying for six hours at a time, and the rest of the time was just whiny. He took an hour to eat just a few ounces and never slept. It was miserable and depressing. People say they know how you feel but really, until they experience a baby with colic they really have no clue what you are going through. They say things to people which inevitably get back to you (a good reason not to gossip, I'd say). I got comments ranging from "It's ok if your baby cries, I understand. So and so cried for 15 minutes straight last night and it was awful." Because 15 minutes compares to six hours of crying. Another favorite was when Will would make a liar out of me and be perfect in front of other people. Then I would get comments like, "I don't know what you are talking about....Will doesn't cry very much."

On top of the fact that I had a new baby with colic (we found out later he had reflux), I have seizures and was reassured my medicine (Zonegran) was ok to take while breastfeeding. After feeding him for two months I was then told that the medicine was not ok and that I needed to stop breastfeeding him. My neurologist told me I couldn't just stop cold turkey because he was getting my medicine and if he were predisposed to having seizures he would start having a permanent seizure. I was freaked out about poisoning my son. I had to pump and wean him over a period of six weeks and then my neurologist decided to take me off the medicine completely. Also weighing heavily on my mind was the fact that my husband was leaving to Officer Training School for three months. I would be moving to live with his parents and then we would all move to Oklahoma. The final stressor was that Mike was in the bishopric and in his last semester of school at BYU and therefore, never home.

To give you an idea of how I was feeling, I'll include bits from my journal:

March 31, 2005
The doctor said he will grow out of it within 3-6 months. I honestly don't know how I will do it...I never expected being a parent to be easy but I didn't understand it would be like this....It is truly difficult....

April 15, 2005
...I wish I could say things had improved as far as his crying went. They haven't. He cries most of the time-or whines. It's awful. I don't know how to help him or make it better. Everything is confusing and hard for me right now.

May 9, 2005
I wish I knew what to say...Not a lot has changed. A few things and for those things I am grateful. I am not nursing anymore....also an improvement is that Will is smiling a little each day. Besides that, he continues to cry as much as before. He doesn't let us put him down much. He now has blood in his stools because his bowel movements are so hard to pass.

May 11, 2005
The last two months have been so hard for me. I feel I have been stretched to my limits...I have had such a hard time with Will's crying that I have become angry at Will, Mike, the Lord, and all those not as unfortunate as us. It is wrong and I know it. Even in my anger I know it is wrong... I know Will isn't crying on purpose but after hours of his continual crying I don't know how to behave anymore...I have questioned my desire to have more kids which has filled me with sadness and guilt. I've cried more in the last two months than I ever have in my entire life.

May 16, 2005
Will has been crying since he woke up at 7:30. It is now 11:30...When will this ever end?

June 5, 2005
It has been a hard year. I have been praying for humility, love, unselfishness, and patience. I have been praying for Will to get better. I do not know when it will get happen...I know things will improve. I am feeling my love for William increase and I am so thankful for that. Love allows me to deal with his crying.

I don't normally make a habit of letting people read parts (well, any) of my journal because obviously, it is personal. However, I think it is important to share how someone dealing with depression feels.

At Will's two month appointment I told the doctor that he needed to do something for Will or he needed to do something for me. He felt I didn't have postpartum but rather, circumstantial depression. He said he would give me medicine if I wanted it but didn't think I needed it. So, Mike and I opted against it.

Things the second time around were a thousand times better but I still suffered some baby blues. There were a few things I learned after Will (and a few I've learned since Isaac) that I believe improved the situation. Of course, eliminating stressors like colic, moves, medicine, etc. also improved the situation.

Some of the things I found to work were having support, exercising, finding things to be grateful for and writing them down, stop worrying about what other mothers think, and finding opportunities to get away from the kids. Most importantly, a belief and faith in God.

There are some really great websites that provide info about postpartum and what things to do if you have it. Some of the things I researched are worth sharing. I will only include ways to treat it but you can find information about the risks and causes of postpartum all over the Internet.

If you have it there seems to be three ways to treat it--hormone therapy, medicine, and self-care.

Self Care:

1. Surround yourself with supportive family members and friends, and ask for their help in caring for the baby.
2. Take care of yourself. Get as much rest as you can. Nap when the baby naps.
3. Try not to spend much time alone.
4. Spend some time alone with your husband or partner.
5. Take a shower and get dressed every day.
6. Get out of the house. Take a walk, see a friend, do something you enjoy. Get someone to take care of the baby if you can; if you can’t, take the baby with you.
7. Don’t expect too much from yourself. Don’t worry too much about the housework. Ask friends and family for help.
8. Talk to other mothers. You can learn from each other, and their experiences can be reassuring.
9. If the depression persists for longer than 2 weeks or is very deep, talk to your health care provider. Self-care alone is not recommended.
10. Make healthy lifestyle choices. Rest as much as you can. Exercise regularly. Try daily walks with your baby. Eat healthy foods — plenty of fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Avoid alcohol.
11. Set realistic expectations. Don't pressure yourself to do everything. Scale back your expectations for the perfect household. Do what you can and leave the rest. Ask for help when you need it.
12. Make time for yourself. If you feel like the world is coming down around you, take some time for yourself. Get dressed, leave the house and visit a friend or run an errand. Or schedule some time alone with your partner.
13. Avoid isolation. Talk with your partner, family and friends about how you're feeling. Ask other mothers about their experiences. Ask your doctor about local support groups for new moms or women with postpartum depression.

Most of this info came from the Mayo Clinic website and Women's Health.gov