I read an article on MSN a few months ago about some man that committed adultery. He wrote the article to explain why he committed adultery. He never actually answered that question in my opinion. Instead, the article was really an explanation of how it happened.
He said he tried to remove himself from the situation in an attempt to not do anything. Then he started sending her anonymous emails which eventually led to regular emails and correspondence. When his wife went out of town, the two got together and the rest is easy to imagine. Eventually he separated from his wife and his lover separated from her husband.
Some things he said were very interesting. First, he said this women and his wife were friends and colleagues. She looked like his wife, dressed like his wife, had the same career as his wife. He also said that his wife got over the separation quicker and easier than he did. He thought part of the reason was because they had no children. Finally, he said that while he and his wife got a divorce, his lover went back to her husband because she couldn't handle the social rejection she received from having an affair.
I found it really interesting that he had an affair with someone so similar to his wife. I wondered what he was missing with his wife that drove him to commit adultery with someone just like her. Did he find it in his lover?
Second, I thought about the importance of children in a marriage. While I would never tell a couple that is struggling in their marriage to have children in an attempt to save their marriage and solve their problems, I firmly believe that children unify a marriage. Having children requires putting your selfish desires aside as you realize you are responsible for a little body that needs love and protection.
At first when I read about his wife getting over the affair quicker, I was surprised. I mean, I thought that being cheated on would be a pretty hard thing to get over--that it would be hard to trust another man again and trust my abilities to make a man happy. However, on second thought, I realized that he was the one living in sin, and therefore, it makes perfect sense to me that he would be the one struggling with the separation. Not only did he have to deal with the divorce from his wife, but he didn't even stay with his lover.
I happened to read an article today that said those who divorce rarely end up with the person they were having the affair with. In one study done by Dr. Jan Halper only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers. In the case where someone did marry their lover, Frank Pittman found that the divorce rate was 75 percent! The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee. You can't commit sin and think your life will be happy or your troubles solved.
In a magazine published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, called the Ensign, President James E. Faust wrote an excellent article about enriching a marriage. He said it is important for all married couples to ask themselves these questions regarding their marriage:
First, am I able to think of the interest of my marriage and spouse first before I think of my own desires?
Second, how deep is my commitment to my companion, aside from any other interests?
Third, is he or she my best friend?
Fourth, do I have respect for the dignity of my spouse as a person of worth and value?
Fifth, do we quarrel over money? Money itself seems neither to make a couple happy, nor the lack of it, necessarily, to make them unhappy. A quarrel over money is often a symbol of selfishness.
Sixth, is there a spiritually sanctifying bond between us?
The article is wonderful and I would encourage every married couple to read it. The link for the article is here.
2 comments:
I've seen in my extended family some very interesting (heartbreaking) things about infid*lity and premarital s*x. There's a young couple that got married because she got pregnant. Now they've been married a year and the marriage isn't very strong. The question is, why did this girl put her trust in this boy enough to sleep with him without commitment--if he (well, and she) couldn't control himself s*xu*lly before marriage, what makes her think he will after marriage?
Same thing with those who have affairs. Do they think they're getting a catch in cases where they marry their lover? Oh, yea! I get to be with a man who's already proven to be unfaithful to another woman.
I agree. That is why the rate of divorce for those that marry their lovers is so high. It really is such a sad thing. It really just makes me think about how important it is to do all you can to fortify your relationship. I think weekly dates are so important. I also think it is important to talk to each other about serious topics (pornagraphy, relationships at work, etc.)
We have a friend here in Oklahoma that isn't able to live with his wife right now. She is going to med school in Michigan and he is stationed here in OK. She recently got accepted to med school out here so she could finally after over a year and a half live with him again. They were talking on the phone about it and she admitted that she is not excited to move here because she doesn't want her collegues to make fun of her for not graduating from a more prestigous college. He of course was really upset.
It is really sad to know that the opinion of her collegues is more important than her relationship with your spouse. The silly thing about it is that in the end, no one is going to go to you as a doctor and look on the wall at your degree and be like, "What? You didn't graduate from Michigan? I can't come to you anymore."
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