Eating

A year ago I was having a really hard time getting Will to eat anything. His doctor suggested I buy the book How to get your kid to eat...But not too much by Ellyn Satter. I got the book and really find it useful.

She gives a few facts about children's eating:
Children will eat. They are capable of regulating their food intake. They generally react negatively to new foods but will usually accept them with time and experience. Parents can either support or disrupt children's food acceptance and food regulation.

She then says that the golden rule for parenting with food is:
Parents are responsible for what is presented to eat and the manner in which it is presented.
Children are responsible for how much and even whether they eat.

The book is essentially based around that rule. She says you get them a balanced meal and your job is basically done. Then they are responsible for eating it. She discourages any kind of forcing. She gives examples of parents that have forced their children and it backfires. She points out that kid's appetites change every day. One day your child might eat like a bird and the next day he/she might eat everything in sight. She said that is ok and that is why you shouldn't be worried about forcing them--they will eat when they are hungry. She says that parents shouldn't be a quick order cook. Your kid needs to realize that you have provided a good healthy meal and if they don't eat it, too bad--you will provide another one soon.

Something I found interesting was that she encouraged parents to let them eat any part of the meal first. Don't hide the dessert and tell them they have to eat their meal first to get dessert. She said it is ok to put the dessert on the table and let them eat it even if they don't eat the other things. Her reasoning is just that forcing will backfire and you don't want them to develop a negative feeling towards food. If you don't let them have dessert because it's not healthy enough they might start developing negative feelings for food and in turn, negative feelings towards their bodies. She said if you deprive them of certain foods, it will heighten their interest towards them and therefore, it is better to include less-desirable foods occasionally and matter-of-factly than not at all. She includes that you should take the opportunity to explain that they aren't as good as some other foods but occasionally it won't interfere with their diet. This one is really hard for me. I know Will is going to want that dessert and that when he gets it he won't eat anything else. So sometimes I break this rule and make him eat his other things first.

I have noticed that she is right about a lot of things if not all. When we force Will at all he gets so stubborn and will then refuse to eat anything. It is just a fight. If we just let him do his thing, he usually eats better. Also, she talks about introducing foods over and over and over before they will eat it. In a parenting class at BYU they said a kid have to be introduced to a food 15 times before they will even try that new food. Crazy. That has proven to be true with Will. Previously, he wouldn't eat bananas, peaches, strawberries, or carrots. I just put them on the table and put one on his plate each time we eat them. I have said, "Those are so good Will, we'd like you to try one." And he usually will say "no" and then that is the end of the conversation and it gets thrown away when dinner is over. But, now, he eats them! It has taken a long time but now he will eat them without me saying anything. There are other foods we are still working on, mainly any vegetable, but it is encouraging to see that if I just keep putting them on the table and have a good attitude about that food he will eventually try it.

The other thing she is right about it the changing appetite. Will is not a big eater. Some days I wonder how he survives. But other days he will eat nonstop. For instance, two days ago he eat maybe a bite of food at each meal. Today he will eat everything. We had eggs for breakfast and he had all his eggs and some toast and milk. At lunch he had peaches, and milk and three (!) jumbo hotdogs. Because I know this about him, I don't worry too much on the days he doesn't eat anything.

Some other things she writes about that I like are that parents should take their child's preferences into consideration when preparing meals. She said to think about what he/she likes and provide some of those things so there is something they recognize and enjoy instead of just unfamiliar things and things they dislike. I try this with Will and it seems to work. If I know we are having something he doesn't like (salad) then I try to provide at least one thing he will like (garlic bread).

The one thing she recommends that she believes will improve the nutrition of the child is to have family meals. One thing I can't remember if she recommends or not but that Mike and I have decided to do is to allow one thing Will can eat if he doesn't eat any dinner. It is always a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That way I am not a quick order cook and he still has something to choose from. He knows I will not just cook something else for him but if he wants a sandwich he may have that and that is it. It seems to work for us.

I totally recommend this book to anyone having eating problems. She goes through the stages of children's ages so if you have problems with an infant, she addresses that and so forth. She also has sections in the book for eating disorders and children with disabilities. It's a good book. Go check it out.