I visit teach a girl and Mike home teaches her family. Mike was talking to her mom and told her that I majored in Marriage, Family, Human Development and that there were a bunch of things that I had learned about what makes a good marriage. She asked us to make a list of questions her daughter and fiance should answer before getting married. So, here is the list we compiled.
Communication:
How do you resolve differences? Do you talk through them? Clamp up? Go for a walk?
Do you believe in going to bed angry?
Do you have a friend you tell everything to? Friend? Mom?
Does everything include details of your fights?
Do you have a friend of a different gender and how will that relationship change when you get married?
Money:
How do you feel about money?
Do one or both of you have any debt? Loans?
Do you plan on buying a house?
In times of financial strain, what is the first/last thing you would give up?
In times of financial strain, would you ask parents for money? Use government programs?
Do you have savings?
Do you plan on having savings?
Who will be in charge of the money?
Will that person be the same person in charge of the budget?
Who will earn the money?
Which is worth more: time with family or overtime?
Have you discussed what a budget for your family will look like?
Will you each get a little personal money?
Relationship:
When kids come, who is more important: spouse or children?
Do you know how your spouse feels about sex?
How do you feel about your body?
How often will you go on dates?
What does romance mean to you?
What behaviors (back rubs, flowers, chocolate, candle-lit dinners) do you expect your spouse to continue after marriage?
What degree of intimacy is appropriate in front of other people? Will you be affectionate in front of your children?
At what point would you seek help from a marriage counselor?
Household:
What are each spouses responsibilities inside the home? (changing diapers, dishes, making dinner, household chores, yard stuff, home maintenance, decorating, car repairs)
Who will be in charge of food? (meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking)
Spiritual:
How do you both feel about church attendance? (do you think you should attend all your meetings, will you attend church while on vacation)?
How will you determine whose calling takes precedence?
Do you believe in saying "no" to callings?
Who will take the lead of spiritual things in your home?
Will you have family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening?
Will you have couple prayer?
How often will you attend the temple?
How do you feel about tithing?
How important are home teaching and visiting teaching?
What will you do if your spouse feels you are spending too much time with your calling?
Kids:
How many kids do you want?
Do you plan on using birth control?
How far do you want them spaced?
Do you plan on working when the kids come?
How do you plan on disciplining them? Will you both discipline the same way?
General:
What are your hobbies? Do you have common hobbies?
How will you divide holidays between your families?
Where do you want to end up living?
What rules will you have in your house?
What things will you want to carry on in your personal family? What things will you not want to carry on?(rules, traditions, bad/good habits)
What will you do if you have a problem with one of your in-laws?
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2 comments:
Great list. There's a book at Deseret Book that's chockfull of questions just like these. Asking these questions doesn't guarantee anything about the success of a marriage, but it sure is great to at least know where you're starting.
Marcy, you are right. I believe any couple can make a marriage work if they are BOTH committed to each other and to the Lord.
But, like you said, I do think knowing answers to these questions can sure help. Wouldn't it be sad to get married only to find out that you didn't agree on very important issues in marriage? I don't believe "love" is enough to make a marriage work.
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